Relationships???

Early in the morning, I have a bad quarrel with him... I just wanted to discuss with him whether he is ok if we moved out? He... is angry and confronted (I guess) and of course this time he does not agree with what I have suggested!! He answered, "If you want, then you moved out la. We have promised to my brother to help out in the rental for their new house. We can't pulled out last minute!" So, I said?

Everything just remain silence for that moment!!! Sigh.... How I wish...

I didnt drive back straight away, I stopped the car outside the building, thinking again and again, finding clues that I've done anything wrong that makes him feel bad and sad. The conversation run through my head repeatedly, forcing my tears to drop!! For about 15mins, I do not know what to do to solve this problem, a solution tat is best for me, him and his family. It's hard!!! For me and him!!

When I reached home, I saw this statement on his msn subject, "一开始他已这件事情告诉了我们, 但你坚持说你不知. 我无话可说, 一切就听你, 那是因为你是我的最爱." I feel sad coz he thought that I am such a bad person - so not understanding, so fussy, lousy and selfish gf!!! Why he treats me like that? Didn't I deserve any respect and understanding from him and his family? I used to live on my own and independent, is that wrong in his eyes? Even though I'm his gf, I think I deserve more freedom!!! I sent him an email stating my point of view and debate for myself. That's me, I'll fight for myself!!!

From YY
To BF@XX.com.my
Date 29-June-2007
Subject RE:Your msn quote
mailed by gmail.com

我绝对不是一个无理取闹的人. 我的确没听说要和你全家一起住. 如果要跟你哥嫂住我是觉得0K 的. 毕竟大家都是年轻人. 我们也是可以和你的姐姐一起住啊, 不是吗? 当初我答应你搬到你哥这里是因为如果我没在的时候起码有个人可以照顾你, 你也不会寂寞啊. 我提议搬走不是因为我不喜欢你的家人而是我觉得我想多一点私人空间和过二人世界. 我真的暂时还没ready跟你的家人一起生活. 我知道我们已经答应你哥了, 没办法say no now所以我才和你discuss啊. 可是你一直觉得我有心要和你分开, 如果我是有心要离开你我就不会为了你放弃我新加坡的career而回来啦?? 难道你觉得我上几个月都过得很好吗? 我是有想到这些后果的, 我知道会很难接受但是我还是回来了!! 你都没替我想过吗?

有时侯很希望你能替我想想, 我们还年轻还有很多时间相处, 还有很长的路要走. 为什么那么急要settle down呢? 我们还没真真的享受人生, 还经历不够人生的酸甜苦辣. 婚姻不只是签名, 住在一起, 生孩子那么简单的. 那不是我要的. 对我来说, 婚姻是两个家庭的combination, 里面包涵了一个永恒的承诺, 对彼此的责任和互相包容!! Have you ready for that? 你可能觉得我想太多了, 太复杂了可是我所看到的听到的婚姻失败实在太多了, 难免我会有自己一套的想法!! 一个温馨的家庭是需要一个共同的目标和两个人的努力创造出来的而不是建立与责任上! 我依然想和你自由自在的生活. So, 慢慢来吧, 我们会随着岁月的流逝而长大的…. 到适当的时候自然就会有安排了.

Sigh.... Sometimes I think we really need a lot of extra time and effort to deal with relationship... Why am I so weak in handling relationship issue? I just hoped I'm able to love and to be loved, that's all I want!!!

Mee Erh's Wedding~24-06-07

(Mee Erh&Bro.B's wedding)

Last week, I went to Mee Erh's wedding. I drove along ccl, yern and chun back to kampar on Sunday morning. At first we weren't really wish to go back but it's really hard for us to reject the invitation from our close friend, after all she has been expecting our attendance and we all also understood that she's really hope we're able to attend the dinner!! Although there's a bit rush, we still choose to attend it.


(spent the best time with yern&lucy)

Well, I think the journey went very well - have a great chat with yern&ccl, reached home around 1230pm, have lunch with my mum, chit-chat with my mum, and it's already 430pm!!! Dinner is at 630pm but my mum said normally it won't start punctual, at least after 7pm. So curious why people stay in kampung also will late. There is no need to afraid of traffic jam, lack of car park, and etc like big city!! So, I just take my time to dress up and pack my stuffs. Some more have time to gossip with my mum and sister. =P So by the time I catch the clock on the wall, it's already 630pm and OMG I'm late!! Just grab whatever I have and then rush to pick all my gangs... and guess what we are the latest - reached there abt 730pm!!! hahahh... of course doesn't look great but what to do, that's the culture in "kampung-kampung", won't be punctual. =P


(all posing for victory for Mee Erh)

Anyway, we just go in by ourselves, look for seats ourselves and gosh...we have to sit separately coz there is no seat arrangements in advance... See, this is "kampung style". First-come-first-serve lol... At first, I do feel bad and uncomfortable because of the mistreatment. I guess no one will notice if we leave also, imagine that!! Hallo, we are the guests leh!! Although we are close friends and adults, we do deserve some kind of greetings and at least usher us to our seats la, rite?? What kind of host are you?? Definitely I'm not "shong" la!!! I dislike people lack of planning... Yah, and that why I am more than determined not to have wedding dinner when I'm married...(although might not happen) What for when you are not able to serve your guest well?? Waste my time and money... Marriage is not a tool to make money and having dinner or lunch with people you do not know, right?? sigh... this is the point that my bf won't able to understand!!!

The pictures are taken when we are about to leave... yah, that's only the time we manage to chit-chat, talking gossips, updating information and take photographs. The dinner ended around 930pm, went to Bro.B's house to see the bridal photographs and chat a while with Bro.B followed by Mee Erh's house. So, all ends around 11pm... How I wish we're not going back to KL straight away... There's a feeling of not willing to leave.. Miss everyone there... But we still need to go back!! hahahhh... So, I have the biggest responsibility to ensure everyone is safe to reach home before I do. After I dropped ccl in Cheras, I am already half dead, exhausted and ZZzzz, especially when you're driving alone!! Someone came across my mind so I called CK - my best friend. Luckily he hasn't sleep and so nice he accompanied me to drive home through phone... As I said, he's always by my side whenever I need him, so appreciate and treasure him. =)


(thanks a lot to CK)

By the time I reached home already 230am and I'm already 99% unconsious!!! What a day for me!! So proud of myself being able to stand to drive thru and fall Kampar KL in a day. =D Looking forward to meet all my gangs soon. I miss them sooooo much!!!

Last but not least, wishes Mee Erh & Bro.B have a happy and fulfiling wedding life...

cheers, YY

Where YY has been gone?

Everybody is moving on but not me...
I can feel I am losing my confidence, losing myself, losing my soul!!!
I have been wasting a lot of time which I think I might not be able to afford to lose one more minute here. I've been stopping too long this time and I know I must moved on; MUST move on!! There are a lot of goals and plans waiting for me to execute and achieve out there.

Where is YY? Where she has gone?
I am afraid of being weak... afraid of losing...

When will that dreamer and confident YY be back again?
Will she know the way home?
Did she found what she wants out there?

Gambateh to my bro!!

date 17th June 2007 (Sun)
time appx 1600
From Brother

Sad to receive a message from my brother today. He was sick, suffered from fever and sore throat, lying on bed messaging me for help. Feel bad not able to pay him a visit bcoz I am in KL while he is in S'pore. Feel guilty to be a sister, I am such a bad sister!! He just want to borrow some money to see doctor coz he will only get the money at night. I am such a SHIT sister!!! How I hope I'll be able to bring him to GH. I'm really an useless and hopeless sister!! All I can do is keep sending message to ask him to take medicine, drink plenty of water, ask him to ask favor from other housemates but it seems harder to ask for help than lending help.... What to do? His own sister(the closest sister) is not able to help out!! How can we expect other people to lend a hand? They have family to support too, they have to live on too. So sometimes we really need to depend on ourself to go through hard time especially we're in overseas...

At night, mum called up, "Where are you? When you will reach S'pore?" I almost speechless.... dunno what to answer!!! It's bad to lie, "I'm on my way to S'pore." And I know mum is worried about brother... I tried to console her, promising to call up brother on Monday.

I just cant control my tears from dropping while I was lying on my bed. I didnt tell him about my brother, thinking there is nothing he can do to help me in this. As I said, sometimes we have to depend on ourself to go through hard times!!! At least now I realised how naive I am previously... Just think about my own. There are so much of things around us that can be affected by our decisions. Perhaps I have been doing things much stubborn than I have ever thought all the way and this is the outcome that I have to bear with. I hope I wont get into depression. I know there must be ways I can handle and go through this, properly and accurately. I must be able to make things happen.

All before that, I really hope my brother will be able to go through this time toughly and bravely; coz he's my boy. Gambateh bro coz you'll always have our support!!

有缘无分

最近看了谢天华主演的<凶城计中计>. 觉得这套戏不错, 故事也很特别. 而且对谢天华的演出好有惊喜因为觉得他好很投入, 很有突破. 也许因为结婚了, 所以觉得他在戏内蛮Man. 虽然他在戏内的角色是个为求报复不择手段, 但就又如经典的古装戏一样; 杀父之仇不可不报!! 总结是套戏就好象戏名一样, “故事中是计中有计, 算中有算”...

戏内有一句说话是这样的;
“如果两个人注定有缘无分, 无论你放多少感情都没用的...” – 当水如塵离开了倩瑶的时候, 霁月勸倩瑶要忘记如塵, 不要在为如塵费尽心血...

我觉得霁月说的对, 不要为了一个不值得去爱的男人费力, 费尽心细. 到头来吃亏的好可能是自己...

Time to love

Have you ever calculated how many people you meet in a day? 10? 20? 50? Or 100? Imagine, there are so many people around us (in lrt, in the bus, in the supermarket, in the same school, in the same company and etc). You might bump into the same person everyday but never talked to each other. For how many times you were the first person to start a conversation to the person you like? Not many one will have enough courage to do so... The reason? We are afraid!! Afraid of being rejected; Afraid of accepting the truth; What if he/she has bf/gf? What if he/she is married? That would be a shit, right? But what if he/she is thinking the damn same thing like you? He/She spots you, would like to know you better and damn he/she would like to have your number as well?? See... things might happen!! It's all in our hands!! You never try, you will never know….

Maybe there will be a chance for you to love too!! So, guys out there, gather up your whole life's courage and say "Hi". If she answers you back, grab the opportunity!! "So, hows the weekend?". If no answers from her, you know what la... just be "Say-Hi-Fren" lo. Nothing to lose, man. Spot another gal and life goes on!!!!

Lets fill our life with lotz of lOVE!!

Cheers for LOVE!!!!

100% vs 110%

I've been in a relationship for six and a half years, yes, six years!!! Some people think that 6 years is a long period , some do not think so. It's long because you thought you are able to know him very well. But sorry to say you're not!! Never try to understand your man. That's the rule of the game!! If you insist to, you're about to losing him. Why? Because Man is from Mars, Woman is from Venus! =P The more you understand him, the more weaknesses you'll find. So, never ever try to understand a man. You just need to observe him with your heart; know what he likes, what he dislikes and then love yourself more than you love him. If you loved him 100%, then make sure you love yourself 110%!!

A Reply to my pretty princess~

from leong yuen yee
to Brenda Ng
date 18-May-2007 12:32
subject Re: ok
mailed-by gmail.com


thank you soooo much for your reply.
you cant imagine how much i appreciate it.

i know you r indeed really angry, i can feel it coz i know ur work is alrdy part of ur life.
come to first place, i didnt really intend to play fool on u, just want to call u on surprise but seems like things didnt work out. hehehhh...

well, i guess this is the most unforgettable n priceless lesson i've ever learn coz i have put our friendship into a risk. i am almost losing you, damn scared n afraid.

no matter what, i really appreciate a lotz for ur reply... guess i have my pretty princess~brenda back!!! yah hooo..... =D

n for u, remember to take care of urself, k. you can only become more n more beautiful, not the other way. muuackss....

love ya, YY

Reply from my princess~

These is the reply that i got from you;
I am really glad to hear from you!!

from Brenda Ng
to leong yuen yee
date 17-May-2007 13:11
subject ok
mailed-by gmail.com


thanks for all ur emails.. i did not reply any of ur mails bcoz i am really busy.

in fact, u really make me so angry tat i dun wan to talk to u.

come to think, you're still young..

i think play oso must have limit, u shu know how much i treasure my work and oso how much work pressure i have.

but u did the joke to me bcoz u find it fun.

no matter how close the relationship, the respect must be there too...

there is time u are fool around, but there is time u must be serious...

hope u learn the lesson this time..

take k