Relationships???

Early in the morning, I have a bad quarrel with him... I just wanted to discuss with him whether he is ok if we moved out? He... is angry and confronted (I guess) and of course this time he does not agree with what I have suggested!! He answered, "If you want, then you moved out la. We have promised to my brother to help out in the rental for their new house. We can't pulled out last minute!" So, I said?

Everything just remain silence for that moment!!! Sigh.... How I wish...

I didnt drive back straight away, I stopped the car outside the building, thinking again and again, finding clues that I've done anything wrong that makes him feel bad and sad. The conversation run through my head repeatedly, forcing my tears to drop!! For about 15mins, I do not know what to do to solve this problem, a solution tat is best for me, him and his family. It's hard!!! For me and him!!

When I reached home, I saw this statement on his msn subject, "一开始他已这件事情告诉了我们, 但你坚持说你不知. 我无话可说, 一切就听你, 那是因为你是我的最爱." I feel sad coz he thought that I am such a bad person - so not understanding, so fussy, lousy and selfish gf!!! Why he treats me like that? Didn't I deserve any respect and understanding from him and his family? I used to live on my own and independent, is that wrong in his eyes? Even though I'm his gf, I think I deserve more freedom!!! I sent him an email stating my point of view and debate for myself. That's me, I'll fight for myself!!!

From YY
To BF@XX.com.my
Date 29-June-2007
Subject RE:Your msn quote
mailed by gmail.com

我绝对不是一个无理取闹的人. 我的确没听说要和你全家一起住. 如果要跟你哥嫂住我是觉得0K 的. 毕竟大家都是年轻人. 我们也是可以和你的姐姐一起住啊, 不是吗? 当初我答应你搬到你哥这里是因为如果我没在的时候起码有个人可以照顾你, 你也不会寂寞啊. 我提议搬走不是因为我不喜欢你的家人而是我觉得我想多一点私人空间和过二人世界. 我真的暂时还没ready跟你的家人一起生活. 我知道我们已经答应你哥了, 没办法say no now所以我才和你discuss啊. 可是你一直觉得我有心要和你分开, 如果我是有心要离开你我就不会为了你放弃我新加坡的career而回来啦?? 难道你觉得我上几个月都过得很好吗? 我是有想到这些后果的, 我知道会很难接受但是我还是回来了!! 你都没替我想过吗?

有时侯很希望你能替我想想, 我们还年轻还有很多时间相处, 还有很长的路要走. 为什么那么急要settle down呢? 我们还没真真的享受人生, 还经历不够人生的酸甜苦辣. 婚姻不只是签名, 住在一起, 生孩子那么简单的. 那不是我要的. 对我来说, 婚姻是两个家庭的combination, 里面包涵了一个永恒的承诺, 对彼此的责任和互相包容!! Have you ready for that? 你可能觉得我想太多了, 太复杂了可是我所看到的听到的婚姻失败实在太多了, 难免我会有自己一套的想法!! 一个温馨的家庭是需要一个共同的目标和两个人的努力创造出来的而不是建立与责任上! 我依然想和你自由自在的生活. So, 慢慢来吧, 我们会随着岁月的流逝而长大的…. 到适当的时候自然就会有安排了.

Sigh.... Sometimes I think we really need a lot of extra time and effort to deal with relationship... Why am I so weak in handling relationship issue? I just hoped I'm able to love and to be loved, that's all I want!!!