Gambateh to my bro!!

date 17th June 2007 (Sun)
time appx 1600
From Brother

Sad to receive a message from my brother today. He was sick, suffered from fever and sore throat, lying on bed messaging me for help. Feel bad not able to pay him a visit bcoz I am in KL while he is in S'pore. Feel guilty to be a sister, I am such a bad sister!! He just want to borrow some money to see doctor coz he will only get the money at night. I am such a SHIT sister!!! How I hope I'll be able to bring him to GH. I'm really an useless and hopeless sister!! All I can do is keep sending message to ask him to take medicine, drink plenty of water, ask him to ask favor from other housemates but it seems harder to ask for help than lending help.... What to do? His own sister(the closest sister) is not able to help out!! How can we expect other people to lend a hand? They have family to support too, they have to live on too. So sometimes we really need to depend on ourself to go through hard time especially we're in overseas...

At night, mum called up, "Where are you? When you will reach S'pore?" I almost speechless.... dunno what to answer!!! It's bad to lie, "I'm on my way to S'pore." And I know mum is worried about brother... I tried to console her, promising to call up brother on Monday.

I just cant control my tears from dropping while I was lying on my bed. I didnt tell him about my brother, thinking there is nothing he can do to help me in this. As I said, sometimes we have to depend on ourself to go through hard times!!! At least now I realised how naive I am previously... Just think about my own. There are so much of things around us that can be affected by our decisions. Perhaps I have been doing things much stubborn than I have ever thought all the way and this is the outcome that I have to bear with. I hope I wont get into depression. I know there must be ways I can handle and go through this, properly and accurately. I must be able to make things happen.

All before that, I really hope my brother will be able to go through this time toughly and bravely; coz he's my boy. Gambateh bro coz you'll always have our support!!